I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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