my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
