I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
