I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
