I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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