I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
