sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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