im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
