Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
