Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
