Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
