I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
