Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
