I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
