I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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