cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
