then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
