Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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