TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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