Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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