if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
