It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
