you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
