you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
