i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
