how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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