im drinking this country out of the recession.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
