so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I believe in your delicious
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
