Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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