I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
