he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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