Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
