I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
