yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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