I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
