so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
