Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
