I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
