I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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