theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
