i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
