There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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