So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
