every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we're so committed to being not committed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
