My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
