go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
