She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
