I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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