i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i out mim tonsoeep
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