I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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