She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
