Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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