I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
