you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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