The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
