Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
